Confession: I have this deep inward desire to experience as many facets of life as possible, mainly to experience as many cultures and subcultures as possible.
So far, my resume includes:
-The gossip-ridden but aesthetically beautiful small-town of Boerne, TX, from which high school graduates respond to the oppressive and legalistic yet somewhat alluring community of the place either by leaving as soon as possible with a fear of complacency, cleverly disguised as ambition, to become successful athletes, lawyers, musicians, and doctors OR by falling into the small-town trap that says you can have everything you've ever wanted by staying exactly where you are.
I, for one, had to leave.
-The young and invigorating college-town of College Station, having lived in a dorm with a nerdy potluck roommate AND, later, in a slightly ritzy (definitely too high-class for a college student) apartment with two of my closest friends in sweet community. I've lived the life of the hyper-involved student who fails at balancing school and leisure. I've lived the life of a son who goes to a college his parents approve of in a major that screams success so he'll make enough money to buy things that will make him feel like he's not actually dead inside. On a not-so-cynical note, I've also enjoyed beautiful friendships, born from authentic conversations, that I'm convinced will last a lifetime. And because of them, I wouldn't trade this experience for the world.
-The medium-sized, indie-fresh town of Murfreesboro, or The Boro as we call it, where the only thing more frustrating than the lack-of-academia at my new school is the general apathy infused in every inhabitant that suffocates those, like me, who thrive on enthusiasm. It's real chill, though. Real chill. I've lived with a drinkin', smokin', lewd but very cool and personal roommate in one room and a God-fearing man who continues to challenge me spiritually in the other. It is here that I've lived the life of the college musician, having had received several calls to record and play gigs in and around the Boro, and play in several bands that won't probably won't make it anywhere, but enjoyed the friendships made along the way. I've experienced the utter despair and initial loneliness of a new city, discovering that my automatic coping mechanism is to become incredibly introverted; but, since then, I've enjoyed cultivating several friendships with people whose presence genuinely soothes my soul. There's always pain before a child is born, right Bono?
I write all this because I am about to gain yet another experience of significance, that is, the chance to embark on a hidden dream of mine: to live in a one-bedroom place where I can clear my head and focus on my writing. What better opportunity to advance my grammar and style than my own space to be alone with my thoughts whenever I want to? I am looking into moving into a guesthouse that belongs to, I assume, some rich doctor or lawyer.
So, there you have it. This autumn, my life will become the epitome of the eccentric, yet apparently reclusive, self-absorbed, egomaniac who intentionally lives alone to see where his mind will take him.
I will do my best to write of the worlds created.
Well written. That's a pretty interesting decision, but part of me envies you. I haven't been completely alone for more than a few hours since last summer--our society definitely undervalues solitude. Avoids it like the plague actually. I feel the call to solitude as well, though perhaps for different reasons.
ReplyDeleteKais, your writing never ceases to amaze me!
ReplyDeleteI myself have dreamed, no fantasized about living alone. I, however, feel like I am not being called to that right now. It seems like the easy way out for me. Or, maybe not. I don't know.
Love you.
-b